Case 07: The Portrait of a Lily (3)

On a certain day, Takamura-senpai talked to me and handed me a piece of paper with something strange written on it.

“This will keep them away, it’s what you’d call a good luck charm.”

“…A good luck charm?”

“That’s right. I knew it since the first time I saw you. You were just like me, wandering in the same dark abyss I’d been suffering in. Topics concerning ghost phenomenon are mostly avoided in this country. There’s a tendency to dismiss the occult as mere fairy tales, and it’s difficult to even research it. But without a doubt, they are everywhere. They’re always there, watching us in silence. With a keen eye, they look for those who might perceive them, and they cling to them.”

I gulped at those words.

“Go on, then. Chant these words. And recite them every morning and night, and whenever you get a bad feeling.”

“…Y, yes.”

I nodded, and chanted those words out loud without knowing their meaning.

Written in Hiragana*, those words were easy to remember. They had a unique rhyme to them that made them audibly memorable. Repeating them just a few times was enough to soak them deep into my brain. They seemed to quickly melt into my bloodstream and run through my body.

However --- I think it was after that.

Strange things seemed to start happening around me.

In the morning, when I was brushing my teeth in front of the mirror, I saw someone standing behind me in my reflection. It was a transparent figure with long hair who smiled faintly. When I was lying down with one knee up, I felt someone’s hands on top of the knee. At night, when I was studying, a page of the dictionary which I hadn’t touched lay open in front of me. During times like that, I’d be so scared that I would recite the ‘good luck charm’ Senpai had taught me. I’d close my eyes and repeat it in desperation, strongly believing that it would be enough for them to leave me alone. However, the frequency with which something was hanging around me was only increasing.

In the daytime, I saw a person standing on top of a telephone pole.

On the ceiling of the room, a large face appeared.

The train window reflected an empty carriage without any people.

When I rubbed my eyes and looked again, things were normal.

However, whenever they materialized, a strange sound remained ringing in my ear.

Being at a complete loss, I consulted Senpai about it, who reassured me:

“There’s nothing to worry about. They had been clinging to you as they pleased up until now, so they’re desperately trying not to be torn off.”

“I-is that so?”

I believed those words.

With all my heart, I concentrated on chanting the good luck charm.

Eventually, my vision became darker and heavier, as if I were always wrapped by darkness. I became unable to tell the difference between yesterday and today, and time passed as I continued walking along an unending dark road.

But then --- on a certain day…

I noticed it during chemistry class in the lab.

The chemistry teacher, dressed in white, put an old ten-yen coin into the beaker, and poured in hydrochloric acid, a reducing agent and sodium chloride.

“Being soaked in these liquids, this ten-yen coin will be polished as a metal.”

The ten-yen coin immediately regained its original vivid and golden-looking color.

Holding that up in a happy way to the students, the look on the teacher’s face was just like Senpai’s when she was gazing at me. That look was very similar to the one Takamura-senpai sometimes showed. Somewhere In the depths of her vacant eyes, a glitter of ecstasy shone forth.

“Experiment.”

All of a sudden, that word flashed across my mind.

--Am I not the ten-yen coin in that beaker?

--Am I not the subject of some kind of experiment?

The moment I thought that, my body stopped moving. Just like when I was pinned down by Senpai’s gaze back then, I ended up becoming trapped in Senpai’s eyes who wasn’t even here. In the twinkle of an eye, I felt helplessly exposed as my individuality whittled away. But if it is some kind of experiment, what in the world is it about? What is Senpai trying to do by using me?

Holding my breath in, I thought about such things, when something suddenly appeared on the blackboard. An empty part of the blackboard with no writing on it became distorted into a murky, swirling vortex. The next thing I knew, the room had grown eerily dark, as my heartbeat quickened.

--I’m scared.

The inexplicable events that were happening around me were unbearably scary. Am I at the bottom right now? Or does this hole go even deeper? It felt like I was wandering down a horribly misguided path. And something was staring coldly at me while I was curled up in fear. That empty gaze that seemed to snatch away all my trembling emotions, it filled me with fear.

--But even though it was unbearably scary.

At that time, I could neither run, nor could I turn away. It was because somewhere in that gaze, I sensed the urgency of a baby crawling towards me. The urgency of an infant desperately reaching out for its mother –

--Is what I thought, at the time.

During the early days of summer, Senpai remained absent for a few days from school.

From what I heard, her father had passed away. She was the most famous student in the school, so that sad news spread rapidly in all the grades. At that time, that news was treated as a sad matter worthy of everyone’s sympathy. When Senpai did return to school after a few days, there was a swarm of students who were worried about her as if it was their own personal affair. Senpai acted as cheerful as she could towards everyone, which helped her garner even more sympathy. However, not long afterwards, news spread of her private tutor passing away. One month afterwards, Senpai’s homeroom teacher committed suicide. As autumn arrived, I heard a rumor that a third-year boy who had been persistently trying to pursue a relationship with Senpai, jumped off the school roof.

I think that was around the time…

--Many people close to Takamura-senpai have died.

Such a rumor began to be whispered in secret. Of course, it was about Senpai -- the super high school student. There were still many who sympathized with her, and it was a small-scale rumor, so it took a long time for it to reach my ears, since I didn’t have a wide circle of friends.

And then, on a certain day—

“Shiina-chan, can I talk to you for a moment?”

After school had ended, Kotoka Suzumoto-san, the girl I got along with the most in class, came to talk to me. I followed her to the back of the school building, where she uncomfortably began to speak.

“Say, did you hear the rumor about our senpai in second-year, Nakajō-san?”

“Nakajō-san? No.”

I shook my head, and Suzumoto-san bit her lip in response.

She remained silent for a while, before finally making up her mind to speak.

“Shiina-chan is a member of the literature club, right? Makoto Nakajō-san was also a member for two years.”

“Was…? Ah-it’s just me and Takamura-san right now, so I guess that person quit the club?”

“No, It’s something I heard from my senpai in the Brass band club, but apparently… she stopped coming to school. I don’t want to make a big fuss about it – but she’s not in a normal state.”

“…Eh?”

“She only wears white clothes, shuts herself inside her own room, has talismans posted all over the walls, windows and the door. At any rate, she spends all day cowering in fear. She yells, ‘It’s over there, I can see it.”

Those words made something cold crawl on my back.

“Why would she -- Nakajō-san, was it? Why would she end up like that?”

“Well….”

Suzumoto-san hesitantly looked down and mumbled.

However, I somehow already knew what Suzumoto-san was trying to say.”

“Um… I heard a rumor saying it was Senpai’s fault.”

Suzumoto-san eventually said it out loud, causing my body to tremble.

“That’s why, I got worried about you, Shiina-chan. Takamura-san is a great and wonderful person – but, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

I smiled and said that – but…

Even after I parted ways with Suzumoto-san, I couldn’t get rid of the chill that lingered in my heart.

According to her story, only special students were allowed in the literature club. The only students who could join the literature club required special permission from Ayana Takamura, who had absolute influence over the school. Come to think of it, I did find it strange. Takamura-san was so popular, yet why were the two of us the only members of the club? There should have been a lot more people willing to join. However, according to Suzumoto-san, that was because Takamura-san silently selected members on her own. Even if someone wanted to join the club, she would casually decline them during the interview as the club head. ‘This club is going to be dissolved soon’, or ‘You’re better suited to a sports club’, were the usual reasons given for declining. In that sense, the fact that I had joined the literature club was something special, and for a time, I was secretly the object of envy and jealousy in the classroom.

--What does it all mean?

I thought to myself.

Was it because I could see people’s auras, like Takamura-san? Does that mean that my senpai known as Nakajō-san, who had stopped coming to school, could see them as well?

Takamura-senpai definitely has some strange aspects about her. Since I became a member of the literature club, I came to know of her extraordinary obsession with things not of this world. Her fascination and research into the existence of ghosts. She had a deep knowledge of the occult, both ancient and modern, and admired the works of Eliphas Levi in particular. But I thought that was just something that girls of this era liked. Or maybe that's what I was trying to believe. Perhaps it was the influence of having been saved by Senpai’s words after I’d been suffering from seeing biophotons since childhood. I tried to believe that interest in things like fortune telling and spirituality, was particularly specialized in the case of Senpai who had exceptional thinking.

But my steps were heavy as I left Suzumoto-san and headed for the club room alone.

--I too, will soon end up like Makoto Nakajō-san, won’t I?

Will I stop going to school, wear white clothes, and be frightened of something invisible?

--No.

The darkness in the presence that lies ahead spreads much further.

Now, I can feel the presence of what’s known as death right by my side.

It was not a death that would happen from old age decades from now. Rather, it was a premonition of a sudden death arriving in mere weeks. But strangely enough, death itself was not so scary. If the world of the living is this world, and the world of the dead is the world beyond – then for the past few days, I can’t say with certainty that my surroundings are this world. The boundary between the two worlds is dissolving and collapsing, and I don't feel the life force in anything that makes up this world. In the midst of people’s radiating light, I felt as if I alone had lost my light.

However, right now—

I didn’t think it was such a bad thing.

All humans must die someday. Without exception, they will die. The question is, were you a person who could become someone needed by someone else while you were alive? I had begun to think such things without realizing –

In a panic, I looked around. My surroundings were full of bright, laughing and bustling students, I alone felt dark and dull.

I dragged my heavy steps to the club room; through the window, I saw the lights of the room were turned off. I had heard about the location of the duplicate key, and before I bent down to retrieve it, I tried pulled the door open. The door wasn’t locked at all. I slowly opened the door, and a fragrant scent immediately drifted through the door, the moment I realized what it was --- I ran inside and closed the door.

In the dark club room, by the window-side, Senpai was sitting on a chair smoking a cigarette. With a vacant expression, a white ectoplasm-like smoke drifted from her lips. The sweet, thick scent made my head spin. But more so than that, it made me panic.

“S-senpai.”

A vacant looking Takamura-san looked my way.

Her face looked pale, whiter and more transparent than usual.

“Hey.”

“W-what are you doing?”

Senpai motionlessly stared out of the window in response.

I moved to ask once again, when –

“I’ve been thinking.” Muttered Ayana Takamura-san.

“About where… people go to.”

“…Huh?”

“From here on, where is the human species heading? Space? Another dimension? I think neither. From now on, humanity is headed towards a more inner world. But in a future where the individual world becomes shared and crowded, can individuality truly be established?”

“….”

“In a shrinking world, the idea of artificially creating a Mary – haha. The world is so twisted, isn't it? You don't even acknowledge the existence of ghosts, but you place more importance on the spiritual path than on humans. That's why things are going in unpredictable directions.”

I had no idea what was she saying. Anyways, I shut the window and spoke:

“Senpai, smoking will get you expelled. Doing something like that as the student council president is just…”

“…Right.”

“P-please put it out this instant.”

“I mean, it’s fine, isn’t it?”

Takamura-san smiled silently.

“It’s fine if I stop being the student council president, I don’t care for any more prestige. I don’t even want to give birth to a child – Ah, a flesh and blood child, that is.”

“I-I don’t know what you mean. Anyway, *cough* It’s so smoky in here, if a teacher comes—”

“...So that’s it, you might have a child in the future. Sorry about that.”

Despite apologizing, Senpai showed no signs of putting out her cigarette.

The cigarette between her long fingertips was stretched so far out that the ashes were about to drop down.

“Adults are such assholes.” Senpai eventually grumbled.

“If being an adult means having to compromise, then I don't want to be an adult at all.”

“…”

“Don’t cause trouble for people. Cut off small, irreplaceable things in order to conform to society. To do so, lie and justify your actions. No matter how correct an opinion might be, eliminate anything that threatens a stable society. Or pretend to never see it. Ignore it as if doesn’t even exist. Most people do not see the truth. However, the countless things that have been eliminated are still there, despite not being seen.”

“Are you…”

For some reason, the words naturally came out of my mouth.

“Are you talking about ghosts?”

In response, Takamura-san looked at me in surprise – and smiled silently.

“I see. Ghosts are that as well. That’s right, It’s about ghosts.”

She chuckled feebly; her large eyes narrowed as she muttered:

“Ah, I see. That's why ghosts will never disappear from this world. Because people unconsciously acknowledge the existence of what they've been trampling upon.”

Enshrouded in the sweet white scent, senpai smiled.

“I can see their suffering. That's why I don't want to belong to the side that tramples on them. If I could reduce it to just one perfectly clear thought, it would be this: This body is a hindrance. Humans only believe the things reflected in their eyes. It is in the body that all bonds reside. That is why, I don’t need something like a body. That’s why, I want to erase this body tied down by bonds before my soul is corrupted.”

The smile on her face was transparent, like a dream- - it was as if she herself were a ghost, and my legs began to tremble.

“Say, Kurimoto-san.” Senpai suddenly spoke.

“Let’s take a photo together, shall we?”

“…Huh?”

“I’ve always hated photos, and I haven’t had one taken one in a long time – but, it would be nice to share at least one memory with you.”

Saying this, she brazenly stubbed out her cigarette against the window sill at last, and stood up. She grabbed the polaroid camera used for covering news, and left the room. Flustered, I chased after her, coming out into the courtyard, she called and stopped one of the students nearby, and asked them to take our photo. We lined in front of some large zelkova trees. Senpai put her hand on my shoulder while I was still in a daze. Her hand was soft, and her scent was wonderful as she leaned in close to me.

--The scent of a lily.

An inexplicable sadness swelled up in my heart as I thought that. I don’t know where that emotion came from. However, my feelings towards Ayana-senpai – sometimes of admiration, sometimes of fear – and finally realizing that I liked her so much that I didn’t want her to leave. I recalled the lily in the language of flowers. It represented purity and innocence. This person could see everything people unconsciously overlooked – no, the things people had to overlook in order to keep living.

How painful must that have been?

How it must have made her want to scream out.

If a person had to take in the thoughts of all those around them in their mind, they wouldn’t be able to keep their mind normal for even a single day. It must have been hell to be constantly exposed to the dark emotions that no one ever expresses. I could only imagine how painful it must have been for Senpai, who managed to cope with everyday life with her extraordinary mental strength and analytical skills. For a long time, I was troubled by the light that people gave off, and I wished that I could destroy my eyes -- but in my heart, I caught a glimpse of the path that Senpai had taken.

With a click, the shutter sounded—

Senpai thanked the student as she took the camera.

She took the printed picture from the polaroid camera which was still not fully developed, and looked up.

She squinted at the dazzling green trees of Koumei institute, and spoke:

“Someday, people will pay for what they’ve done.”

Under the white, dazzling sunlight seeping through the trees, she whispered:

“The violent revenge of countless thoughts that have been trampled for the so-called greater good of civilization will happen before our eyes.”

Those words were like an old forgotten prophecy. Like a melody that had leaked from the Akashic Records*, something no person could overrule, had rung out into the world.

After that, Ayana Takamura-san turned to face me once more, and handed me the photograph in silence.

In it, were two high school girls.

In the sunlight seeping through the trees, the two of them smiled like some kind of miracle.

“This is my last order as the club head.” Senpai spoke to me while I was looking at the picture.

“From this moment on, forget about me.”

“…Huh?”

She seized me with her clear, gentle eyes, and spoke:

“Forget what I said, what I did to you, my face, my voice, my scent, everything. Forget it all, and don't come back here again.”