Case 00: A World of Ash (1)

If so, the ratio generally comes out to be 50/50, which means that in short, how one perceives happiness as happiness is proportional to our experience of unhappiness as unhappiness – is what I felt someone once told me. The details are fuzzy to me since I don’t have any memories, but at any rate, it seems that people who are always "happy" do not feel "happy” based on the premise of their current state. It may be that "happiness" is perceived as "happiness" only when there is something to compare it to. That’s why unhappiness might be a critical spice for life is what that someone might have been trying to say, but—no, wait a minute. I would like to say it out loud right now. Even if that was the case, isn’t my condition right now a bit too high on the side of “unhappiness”?

First of all, I had no reason to live. I mean, being dead to begin with means any reasons go to hell, but in any case, I don’t feel like I’m moving forward at all. I was unable to decay physically, only an eternity of endless thoughts continued, and even in those negative mass of thoughts, I can only think, “I want to die properly as soon as possible”. I never thought it would be this painful to not be seen or cared about by anyone. When I wandered alone in town, my thoughts and emotions were headed to an endless oblivion because of the extreme bitterness, but I was saved thanks to meeting the young girl known as M. No, I don’t know if it would be right to say that I’ve been saved completely, but at any rate, my condition now was a little better than rotting away in the city as I was back then. That’s the extent of my “happiness”.

However—

That girl in the black dress said it.

『Around two weeks from now – On the 31st of July, they will all die.』

After that, I checked the calendar. The 31st of July 2001, was, by chance, an unlucky date. What in the world was going to happen to the family on that day? Just who the hell was that Takamura girl to begin with? What was she trying to make me do by telling me, me who was already dead? She was able to see me and have a conversation with me; She seemed to know me back when I was alive. And on top of all that, she had a sense of biological superiority, as if looking down on everything. Recalling Takamura’s pale, tomboyish beauty, I trembled with fear. She was, how should I put it… dangerous. Undeniably dangerous. I understood that much. Even I, who had little emotion, couldn’t stop feeling goosebumps, her whole body was covered with a stagnant cold air.

Could it be that she was the “God of death” incarnate? Or perhaps a demon? Or an Anunnaki, interdimensional aliens described on Sumerian clay tablets? Ah, those might have all been the same thing – is what I felt the easygoing me thought back when I was still alive, however, because she had a supernatural aura about her, I didn’t feel like there was any hint of a lie in her words, which was troubling. Perhaps her awakened gaze that seemed to regard ‘death’ as a trivial matter led me to believe so.

『Don’t you think it’s really inefficient to live in human form?』

Takamura spoke as if looking down on the world from the top of the building afterwards.

I don’t know. I had no idea. I didn’t have the answer to such a difficult question even after death. Why do people live, and why are they so afraid of death? Where did the emotion known as ‘fear’ come from in the first place? I had no clue about that at all right now – and when I reached that thought, something suddenly came to me.

『Hey, are you scared?』

『How does it feel to be scared?』

I don't know if that was from my own memories, or someone’s scattered memories from that Akashic something. At any rate, that vague someone stood beyond the darkness. She turned her pale face toward me and asked me in a voice that sounded like a bell. In my jumbled memories, I tried my best to concoct an answer, trying to convey the true face of fear. I was infatuated with her even while fearing her, and I became unable to leave her alone. Before I’d realized, she had become a very familiar existence.

Ah, what is this scene? What did she say her name was?

--It’s no use. I can’t remember. Everything was vague, as if covered by a fog. Is this what you called lingering attachments? Was I clinging to life once more? I had completely begun to accept myself as a ghost, but thanks to the girl in the black dress, I felt so frustrated at my lack of memory.

That’s right, in the end – there was no ‘hope’.

There was too little hope from here on out. I was troubled to stay near M for forever like this, and after being forewarned of the ‘The Noose Mansion Massacre Case’ that would happen two weeks from now, there was just too little "happiness" in my life.

I vacantly thought on such things—

As I lay alone on the roof of M’s elementary school.

I had already spent two days in idleness since I met that girl dressed in black.

The sun was already shining brightly, and clouds rolled high above across the sky; today would be another beautiful day.

As things stood, the fun summer vacation would soon arrive, then the delicious food of fall, the jam-packed winter full of events, and then spring when the vegetation would sprout all at once— It was so sunny that I could only think of such natural happiness coming and going.

M and the others were the same as always. They were in the flow of a peaceful time as they peacefully passed their days in tranquility. It was hard to believe they were a family that had been marked by a Death God.

The father came home right after finishing his work, the mother would cheerfully tell jokes, and the elder sister was busy with her club activities, and M being M was content with her life, smiling alone in the corner. That was surely because of the exquisite feeling of balance that both her parents brought about. It felt like the two of them didn’t just care about a single family member, but acted conscious of the whole family in mind. That was surely what created the warm and inviting household, and made me wish it would stay that way forever.

Irritated, I scratched my hair, and looked up at the sky.

At any rate, this was about the limit of what I could do right now. My thinking was dull, painful, and I couldn’t construct things logically. I came here because when inside Mr. Frog, my consciousness was taken up by what was in front of my eyes, which was a problem, but even here — my ability to think didn’t really change. In any case, if what that death god-like, or alien-like young girl said was true, I had to do something to save that family. And that, I felt, was the reason why I had wandered ten years into the past.

There was no sign of that light pouring down from the heavens in the blue sky that appeared again that time. It was perfectly clear as far as the eye could see. I’m sure it must have ended up going somewhere again.

And I felt that it would never appear again.