Case 00: Chapter One (1)

Suddenly, I felt something bright flicker right above me, and I raised my head.

Far above the rooftop of the building I had been on just now – there was a strange cloud above in the sky.

No, rather than a cloud, something large and gray covered a part of the sky that was like a giant swirl of paint, and a beam of light shone from a gap in it. And, that light was aimed straight down at the handrail of the building where I had stood just now.

--Ah… Wasn’t that the final call? If I had just waited there, wouldn’t everything have ended?

In a panic, I searched for an entrance to the building in order to return to the rooftop, but it was already too late.

The bright light shining down from the sky gradually narrowed its point of focus as if to say it had ‘lost the thing it was looking for’.

(Hey, wait for me. I’m right here. I’m dead here. Don’t leave me behind.)

I tried to shout out loud, but the light in the sky contracted in the blink of an eye, and eventually disappeared.

I was in a daze for a while – then slowly collapsed to my knees. Even though I landed from the tip of my knees on the concrete, there was barely any pain or an impact. The weight itself was almost imperceptible. From then on, I just sat there on the ground and became hollow. I don’t remember how long I sat there for. I felt no pain since I was dead, and I probably felt no hunger, or thirst. In short, it wasn’t a problem if I did it for eternity.

I didn’t know – I didn’t know, but…

For the time being, I slowly thought it through.

‘What should I do from here on’, was the only thing I kept thinking about. There was no starting point. I thought I should first create a starting point, and first choose how to refer to myself in first person. I tried out various forms, but they all had their merits and demerits, so I chose the word ‘己’. It meant both ‘Ore’ and ‘Onore’, hmm, yes, that was fine.* Well then, what was I? I was a dead person. I must have ended up becoming the existence commonly known as a ghost or a spirit. I still couldn’t remember the events that led me to this situation, but – that’s right, I was… I was trying to do something. No, was I trying to meet someone? At any rate, it felt like I was in a rush to get somewhere. But I couldn’t recall where that was, nor the reason why I was in a rush. Well, it would be meaningless even if I could recall. I was already dead, and if I had arranged to meet with someone, that person would still be alive, a dweller of the world I was no longer related to.

Alright, that’s good. For the time being, merely defining myself as ‘I’ has greatly calmed me down.

But, however—

What was this sad wind that occasionally blew at the depths of my heart? When I try to recall the sight I saw just before my death, that sad wind blows in at my heart from somewhere. Someone’s lonely, beautiful, face flickers before my eyes – The fact I would never see them again, no, that I wasn’t even able to say goodbye to them, made me unbearably sad…

Thereupon, I shook my head. I was afraid that If I stayed buried in my grief as someone who was dead, I would end up becoming one of the incomprehensible ‘monsters’.

Before I’d realized, night had passed, and morning came and went. That cycle kept endlessly repeating. And in that time, not a single person noticed me. Even though I was sitting in such a conspicuous place on the road in front of the station.

I stood up and tried to talk to the pedestrians passing by. However, no one lent my words an ear. I tried to dance. A sloppy dance in my own style. But, as expected, no one looked at me. I tried running with all my strength. People didn’t avoid me as I ran with a furious facial expression, nor did they even try. And as expected – I didn’t crash into anyone as I merely passed through people’s bodies.

Feeling foolish, I stopped in front of a commercial building. On the ground floor, there was a store window for a clothing store.

In a daze, I stood in front of it, when I realized. In the glass window, I could see the reflection of people passing by, yet I could not see my own. I, alone, was not part of that world.

『Ghosts are not reflected in mirrors.』

With sadness, I recalled such words I had once heard somewhere. And the reality painfully sunk into my heart more than I thought.

--I was nothing.

Leaning back against the wall of the building, I merely sat down in a daze.

I was practically homeless, but that was a fact. I was homeless for eternity. No, what was worse than being homeless was losing your memories, your sense of existence, with no end. There were things I thought I would do if I had an eternity of time – is what I felt I thought once. I felt like that would be to train in musical instruments, and to do sports training. But even that would all be meaningless right now. Even if I learned how to do those things, there was no one who would be happy for me, and to begin with, I couldn’t even touch organic objects (I could barely feel something when I touched it. I tried it with vending machines and such). Even though there was nothing to do, I had an eternity of time. I rolled helplessly in the midst of those endless thoughts.

In all likelihood – a week passed by.

I didn’t exactly know how much time had passed. As expected, I felt neither hunger nor pain in my butt. Even pain might be a spice in this never-ending passage of time – I reached that sad conclusion, and despaired. That was because, in other words, time did not act on me alone. There were people going back and forth in front of my eyes right now, but they would eventually grow old and die. And they would be guided by that light and head off to some other world. But what about me? Would I just stay here like this? Shouldn’t finding that light again be my number one priority? But my thoughts would always stop there. I hadn’t seen that strange cloud that appeared in the sky at that time since then. I didn’t know what I had to do to see it once more. I wanted to ask someone, yet I couldn’t talk to anyone. There were so many people, yet I alone was separated from all of humanity.

『There is a ghost there.』

At the ends of my boundless thoughts, someone’s words crossed my mind.

Huh? Where? I tried looking around, but there were only living people around me. There was no sight of anyone else who was as lost as I was. Or could it be that there were dead people mixed in with the living who I couldn’t discern? Couldn’t I tell if I saw a fellow ghost?

Hey, I’m dead as daylight!

I tried shouting out loud with all the strength I could muster.

However, no one looked at me. No one noticed my screams.

Before I’d realized, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I learned that even in death, tears came out, but my feelings stayed hazy. My tears alone spilled down as if they were someone’s forgotten possession.

It’s painful. Pain. Pain. Pain – it’s too painful.

If things went on like this, I might end up bearing a grudge at something unrelated. I would end up gathering all the pent-up resentment here and there and turn into a terrible demon. Kill me, I prayed. God, devil, anything is fine, consume this body. Tear me apart, just take me away from here. Take me away from this bugged world where nothing happens, even if it’s hell. I shouted out loud in tears, but as expected, nothing happened.

However, as the dull world bereft of color passed by in front of my eyes – it happened.

I felt something like a gaze.

I raised my head, and realized once more that it was early morning. The crowds of people going to work all headed towards the station, walking at a brisk pace. But when I tried to look closely around me, there was no one around who was looking at me. No one was paying attention to me.

But, I tried to stand up and look.

Right now, without a doubt, someone looked at me. It was for a brief instant, but someone realized my existence with an ‘Ah’. I definitely felt that presence that went ‘Ah’.

--Hey, please. If you can see me, then help me.

I shouted out loud, and started running. I stepped into the crowds of commuters. I drew my face up to their nose, be it woman or man, and exposed myself right in front of their eyeballs. But it was no use. I could faintly feel people’s body heat, but I wasn’t reflected in anyone’s eyes.

Despite that, I ran in search of the someone who had noticed my existence. However, the sign of someone's "awareness" that I had felt earlier was gradually diminishing. I thought it might have been my misunderstanding – or my wishful delusion that raised my hopes.

I ran from one end of the street to the other, but there was no one who had taken notice of my existence.

I was alone once more.

Alone once more, I collapsed on the street.

Several days passed by once more. I had no sense of time anymore.

It was raining.

Since yesterday – no, was it the day before yesterday? For some time now, a lukewarm rain was falling down.

Perhaps because of this, there were far fewer people in front of the station than usual.

I had been lying in the middle of the street – on the crosswalk for a long time.

It was also the roundabout exit for buses, and from time to time, buses drove on top of me, but if there was no pain from being trampled by their giant tires, then there would be no death. It was the pedestrian crossing, and naturally, the pedestrian traffic was high. I was trampled by a lot of humans. Even so, I was glad to somewhat be able to feel the touch of someone. At times, I would see the pants of a short skirt wearing girl, but it didn’t make me feel anything. My feelings were becoming weaker. My heart was becoming less moved by things.

I merely lay on the ground, looking up at the cloudy sky.

I had the faint hope that if I kept looking up at the white sky, that light would someday fall down on me and take me somewhere.

At that moment, I felt it again.

--A gaze.

After about three days, I suddenly sat up. And then looked around me. However, as usual, even if the countless gazes of people around me looked in my direction, their gaze would go right through me.

--No, just now, I definitely….

Absentmindedly, without much expectation, I slowly turned my head around.

And then, I saw her. An elementary school student in front of a cell phone shop. She wore a bright red backpack, her beautiful black hair stretched down to her waist. With a fair complexion, that girl with startling facial features seemed to panic as she looked away from me. She broke into a half run from there, and I stood up in a hurry and tried to chase after her. That girl almost bumped into the crowds as she ran through the shopping arcade.

(--W, wait!)

I ran and literally slipped through the crowd as I chased after her. That girl would look back at times. And each time she did, she made eye contact with me. And then, after hurriedly looking away, she would increase her running speed.

--There was no doubt about it. This girl could see me.

(Hey…Hey, wait for me! You can see me, can’t you? Then help me! I just want to talk to someone for five minutes! I’ll go crazy if I don’t talk to someone! I'm going to break down if I go on like this!)

I shouted out loud in tears, as I continued to run.

As her long hair swayed brilliantly, the girl continued to run.

Her red school bag bounces on her back, and her legs stretching out from her short skirt were filled with life.

--Why won’t you help me? Why? Even though I’m in so much trouble. How can you be that cold? I’ll do anything, just help me. I won’t cause you any trouble, just a few words are enough, please just talk to me.

Thinking it over calmly, even a grown man would shit their pants and run scared if a dead person were to chase after them yelling such resentful complaints in tears. But I was just desperate at the time. I had finally found a human who could perceive me – the only hope I had found in this world of infinite loneliness. That’s why, even though I felt awfully bad for the girl, I chased after her with all my strength. I was even willing to become a demon to achieve that end. And then, at the end of the shopping arcade, I caught up with the girl.

But – that girl had stopped in her tracks, had her hand on her knees, and was out of breath as she looked in my direction.

I wandered closer, but the child’s gaze didn’t catch my eye.

--Oh no.

I slowly approached the girl and waved my hand in front of her eyes. But her eyes didn’t move. She still had a troubled expression, but she let out a sigh of relief, and after that, slowly began to walk again. I understood that this gesture meant that she had outrun me. However – that meant that in short, she couldn’t see me anymore. She was running just now because she had definitely noticed me, but she couldn’t see me anymore…? Was that how ghosts were? Could people who see them only see them in certain conditions and not see them in others? It can’t be…

If that were the case, how could I make contact with that tiny minority of humans who could see me?

I endured the depressing feeling that made my knees want to collapse, and managed to raise my head somehow. The girl was waiting for the signal of a pedestrian crossing to change in color a little further ahead. She took a glance back my way, but it seemed she did not see me in her vision, and this time she truly seemed relieved and started walking as soon as the light changed.

I was entranced by her back.

From that long, shiny hair that swayed at her back, I was on the verge of recalling something.

That might have been the reason why.

I, too, somehow began to walk.

I began to walk, trotting thirty or so meters behind the girl.