Epilogue: Coda to Rororo

It was lunch break, a few days had passed since then.

Visiting the Koumei university’s Beatnik research society, Yukihito Kurimoto-kun muttered that out loud.

“I thought that maybe that was part of the reason why she was worried about you, Nagito-san. She might not see you as a stranger.”

“No, if I had to put a finger on it, It’s because I’m way more careless than you are.”

I paused from organizing the occult related materials scattered on my desk, and said that. Kurimoto-kun gently smiled in response.

“That seems to be the case.”

He rudely agreed without even denying it.

“But I've been through a lot myself. Nee-san worries about me all the time.”

“A lot, you say?”

“I committed suicide once.”

“—Huh?”

“It was back when I was in my second year of middle school. I was being bullied a lot in class. My textbooks were thrown away, I was stripped naked in front of the girls, made to lick the spit on the floor, got beat up in the toilet, bullied in every way imaginable. I should have talked to my family about it, but I couldn’t even do that. That’s why I tormented myself over it, and went to the roof of an apartment building near the station. I thought I would be at ease if I jumped off from there – so I committed suicide.”

“…No, But, you’re here safe and sound because you stopped, right?”

To say that you committed suicide in a perfect tense, isn’t that strange?

I asked him that in reply, when Yukihito-kun smiled again. This time, his smile was white and clear, startling me a little.

“No, I jumped; without a doubt, my life should have ended back then.”

“Wa—Wait a minute. Then why are you here alive right now?”

“Who knows.”

“Who knows…?”

“When I came to, I found myself standing behind the rooftop railing. Even though, I’m sure I had crossed it and fallen from the other side. I had felt no fear, only relief, thinking I would finally be at ease. I remember feeling light as if my heart had grown wings, but when I came to, I was standing behind the railing with only my heart feeling a little lighter.”

“…”

“When I turned to look back, I saw Nee-san standing there. She was silently staring at me and crying. And after she cried and cried, she told me. She told me she was sorry she didn't notice.”

Yukihito-kun looked down with a somewhat distant gaze.

“I still don’t really understand what happened back then – it seemed Nee-san caught sight of me wandering around at the station. However, I didn’t reply to her even when she called out to me. Moreover, she noticed someone walking behind me, another me. According to the genre you guys are into, it might have been what you call a doppelganger – but anyway, it seems she saw two of me. Nee-san followed me to the top of the apartment building. There, she saw the two of us standing on the edge of the roof – where one soon climbed over the railing and jumped.”

Yukihito-kun looked up to face me once more,

“Nee-san told me she didn’t know which one of us was the real one. If the both of us tried to jump at the same time, she would have stopped us, but one of us stayed behind the railing, while the other one crossed it. And we smiled at each other, as if acknowledging the roles we each had to play. That’s why she said she didn’t move.”

That – was a strange story.

It wasn’t the same as an out-of-body experience. I’d never heard of stories where you trust your doppelganger. Most of those stories usually involve rejection that leads to identity collapse, where one day you’re astonished at seeing another self that’s exactly like you.

“I talked to Nee-san about it afterwards – and she explained it to me. She said that in that moment, didn’t I scrape off the part of me that I so desperately wanted to cut off? That my soul must have shredded by the conflict between the two: The tormented self that wanted to kill my bullies, and the self that thought I would have been better off disappearing. Like I was killing myself with a part of myself, Nee-san cried and apologized for not noticing the pain I was in. But, I…”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been thinking about it recently. I somehow felt that someone was standing by my side at that time.”

“…”

“Someone who was worried about me, who stayed close by without saying a word. I think that’s why only the negativity disappeared.”

Saying that, Yukihito-kun smiled somewhat embarrassed.

His profile was so clear, that even I, as a man, was taken aback.

“I don’t know if that’s why it was, but when I saw Mitsurugi-san’s dark face, I recalled myself from that time – though the nature of her darkness was on a completely different scale from that of mine… That’s why I could never talk to her. It was a very strange feeling when I learned that Mitsurugi-san of all people had an acquaintance who was a university student. Mitsurugi-san, who didn’t even speak with people her own age, I wondered what kind of person she was acquainted with. At first, I was wary of this person, Nagito Yamada, who appeared in every step of Nee-san’s conversation. I thought she was being tricked by some shady guy who had a thing for crazies.”

“…Oi.”

“I’m sorry. But I can now say that all my fears were unfounded. No, rather, it’s reassuring to know that she still has her luck. No matter what happens to Yoishi Mitsurugi – there’s one person who’s ready to stand by her side.”

I twiddled the ballpoint pen on my desk, at a loss for words, when—

“Hey, Yukihito. You came.”

The door opened, and Krishna-san returned.

“Welcome back.”

I moved to greet her when I noticed the kinagashi-wearing man I never wanted to see again appear behind her, making me scowl in disgust.

“Ah, we meet again.”

A grin appeared on Sako Takita’s blank face.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing here?”

“A fine greeting, really. I’m here simply because I was invited.”

“Nagi-kun, just stop it. Takita-san just finished removing all the taboo words that remained in the school.”

“Taboo words?”

“Anyway, please come in.”

Accepting Krishna-san’s invitation, Sako Takita entered the club room, crouching under the door to make room for his tall stature. Then, as soon as he sees Yukhito-kun, he greets him with a beaming smile.

“My name is Takita.”

“I’ve known your name for quite a while. Thanks for taking care of Nee-san.”

…Ahh, was this the adult way of dealing with things? I was a complete brat. I mean, Yukihito-kun was so mature despite only being in his first year of high school. I was squirming restlessly when—

“Here it is.”

Sako Takita spoke as he took out several black books.

“I don’t think there are anymore – but these are also ‘Rororo’. There were four books.”

“Ah, is that so?”

I didn’t want to look at him anymore. I didn't even want to talk to him. That’s because this guy himself was a fully-fledged user of taboo words. Before you’d even realized, he would be influencing you any way he wished. That’s why, I deliberately turned my face away from him and started cleaning up the clubroom, which didn't actually need to be cleaned up in a hurry. However, Sako continued his lively explanation:

“I mean, it was a really tough job. We hired nearly 100 graduate students from the literature department for 20,000 yen a day, and we checked every book in the collection against the original text, letter by letter, every day and night since they closed down the library. it was an extremely hectic job -- I had to exorcise any student that got sick. But it was all worth it, I mean, we found four books. Moreover, all of them have been written exceedingly well. Indistinguishable from the originals at a glance, even to a specialist. Ayana Takamura really was quite ingenious.”

…You bastard. Don't thoughtlessly praise a woman who is a corpse waxing in the place underground.

Disgusted, I felt something bitter in my mouth again, and I purposefully did my best not to look at him, when Krishna-san spoke:

“Anyway, with that – all the taboo words within the school and library have now been removed. No more negative thoughts will be focused on one place. Well, it may still take some time for it all to disperse.... but we’ve done all we could for now.”

“But you know, they’re scary.”

Sako muttered calmly, as if it were someone else’s problem.

“Young women really are scary. They think by themselves round and round and then go so far as to do it. Men always talk big and act half-hearted, a girl's tenacity is really something that shouldn’t be overlooked when it comes to getting things done.”

“Will this university, or should I say, this institute, be alright for now?”

Sako let out a relaxed chuckle in response to Krishna-san’s question.

“It’ll be fine. The stifling atmosphere that enshrouded this place for so long is no more. The structure is still the same, but that won't be a problem once some renovations are done, and I'll send the opinion letter on that, including all the bills, to the appropriate person at the institute. I’ll explain to them that if the clock tower is not completely renovated by next year, and some of the spiritual path-oriented structures are not renovated, I will forcibly deliver this book to their house.”

Terror filled me as Sako’s eyes seemed to flash red for an instant.

--I ended up asking him:

“Leaving aside the jokes, what are you planning to do with that book?”

Sako lovingly caressed the black book in response and smiled.

“This is a work of art. I’ll store it properly at home and sell it.”

“Sell it? You should burn that thing right away!”

“Oh, don’t be silly now. Poison might be poison, but it’s still useful at times. In some cases, it might even be a medicine. Like that bisque doll-like girl: Yoishi Mitsurugi-kun, she’s usually nothing more than a poison, but this time, she served as the best medicine possible for this institute.”

Those words silenced Krishna-san even more than me.

“--I get it.”

Krishna-san spoke with a sigh.

“In this case, I can say that she and Nagi-kun deserve the credit. If it wasn’t for them, it wouldn’t be possible to find and remove the Kotodama that person left behind.”

“So where is she? I'd like to see that beauty one more time if possible, before I go back to Aomori.”

“She’s not here.”

“I understand that – then where is she?”

In response to Sako’s inquiry, I looked at Yukihito-kun.

Yukihito-kun gave a small shrug.

“…As usual, she left early today without waiting for the fourth period. But, well, she did give a proper report today.”

She had been missing for two days.

And the fact that her shoes were found lined up on the roof next to the water tower.

All of these things were apparently disregarded when she showed up alive and well.

Well, to be precise, it was a little different. There was a proposal to suspend Yoishi for a week for leaving school early and being absent without permission, but that seemed to only make her happy, so they decided to have her clean the classroom by herself for a week. Well, she still ended up leaving early today, so that plan was effectively squashed. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of punishment her teachers come up with from now on.

“What? She’s not here. What a disappointment.”

Saying that, Sako quickly moved to leave.

“Are you going back?”

“Well, I’ve finished greeting everyone involved.”

I interrupted in the middle of the conversation between Sako and Krishna-san:

“Hey – what about Ayana Takamura? What’s going happen to that underground space from now on? It’ll be bad if you just leave it like that, right?”

Sako shrugged his shoulders in front of the doorway.

“There are no humans who can reach that place, and it probably won't be found again until the day this school is dismantled.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Who knows? There are no absolutes when it comes to the world beyond. I’m still a resident of this world, after all. At any rate, Ayana Takamura is already dead. That is unmistakably true. You, seeing her corpse in the underground space is testament to the fact. Perhaps that’s the reason why Yoishi-kun showed you her corpse. She was already dead. You need to accept that and live with it.”

Even if you tell me that –

I can’t forget that thing wriggling in the depths of the darkness. Just the thought of that thing in the underground of this school shatters the very foundation of my colorful campus life.

But thereupon – Sako let out a chuckle.

“Say, if someday the underground of this school was dug up - wouldn't that be a real sight to behold? Why would a dead high school girl from the 2000's be in the ruins of a bomb shelter that was supposedly buried right after the war? That would surely cause a huge commotion throughout Japan.”

“…”

…That would certainly be the case. I, too, would have been thrilled to see such a discovery without knowing the truth, and I’d be imagining all kinds of things every day.

Krishna-san gave a small smile.

“Well, wouldn’t that be a romance?”

It was a soft smile, as if something that possessed her had fallen away, and with those words, everyone in the club room looked at each other.

“That’s right.”

Sako grinned and stroked his thin beard as he spoke.

“It’s safe to say that Ayana Takamura is still inside all of you. As a simple memory that makes you tremble with fear.”

And with that, the asshole had the nerve to poke each of us in the chest, and that included Krishna-san’s ample bosom in the end. With a plop. And not just with his index finger, but with the palm of his hand, you son of a bitch.

“T-T-Ta—Takita-san!”

Sako laughed loudly at Krishna-san, who was blushing and jumping up and down.

“What a blessing for sore eyes—or rather, for my palms. Well then, excuse me.”

Laughing, he turned back in his blue dyed kimono—

And with the four black books in hand, Sako Takita happily trotted off.

For a while, I was still, glaring at the floor, but—

Before long, I got up from my chair, and rushed out into the corridor to chase after Sako.

And I shouted at the lanky figure receding from view.

“Oi, Sako!”

Sako stopped a few meters ahead of me.

In the middle of the concrete hallway, he slowly turns back, with his hands in his pockets.

I had no idea why I decided to ask that question to this guy, of all the people. It might not have been something I should ask Sako, whom I had thought I would never want to talk to again for the rest of my life. But—but, he was the only adult that was connected to the truth of this case.

“Sako, tell me one thing.”

“What is it?”

Trying not to be swallowed up by the incense-fueled atmosphere of Sako. I asked him:

“How does it feel… to be an adult?”

“An adult?”

“That’s right, an adult.”

An adult.

That was the last thing that popped in my head before that underground space disappeared.

Ayana Takamura didn’t have anything like antisocial personality disorder – no, the very existence of widespread antisocial personality disorder in this world was questionable. It was like ghosts: wasn’t it something that adult society had named as such while clinging to the so-called societal common sense? Wasn’t it just putting a lid on things that weren’t understood? – I had been unable to shake off those thoughts since then.

Of course, that wasn’t in support of abnormal criminals. However, in this world, the purer a person was, the more likely he or she was to be beaten down and broken. And I guess Yoishi and I were similar in that respect. Disgust towards compromising. Resistance to admitting that what cannot be done cannot be done. If you say we are brats, that's all there is to it, but then what does it mean to be an adult? I couldn’t settle all this without at least asking him, the only adult who was able to look at this series of incidents from a bird's eye view.

Sako looked at me with amusement for a while, before finally muttering just a few words.

“Being an adult… is nothing but pain.”

“…”

“You see. Being an adult is understanding the gap between you and the world. You realize how little you have to do with the world. That's what life is all about, I guess.”

If that’s the case, then why the hell are you grinning all the time?

I was about to ask when Sako shrugged in a pompous way, and added:

“But I'm a total masochist.”

“…Huh?”

“Masochism is the strongest, Nagito Yamada-kun. It goes much farther beyond than just being insensitive. It's the only quality that can turn this hopeless world into something to look forward to.”

Sako Takita chuckled, gave me a small wave before walking off, leaving me behind in shock.

I stared at his back for a while, before eventually realizing that I had been befuddled. Clicking my tongue, I spat out.

“As I thought, that guy really can’t be trusted.”

But at the same time, I was somewhat relieved that something ominous was going away.

That was, together with the departure of the incomprehensible man, the black books of taboo words Ayana Takamura had left behind. Those strange book that, if read, would amplify negative thoughts and rob one of oneself.

I breathed deeply, just knowing that it was without a doubt, no longer in my sphere of life.

That’s right, for the first time in a very long time, I was truly relieved.