Case 15: The Disturbing Mansion [Part Two] (10)

Darkness.

A dark world—no matter where you looked.

How much darkness did this world have, and how many colors of ‘black’ did it have…?

It felt as if I had seen a lot of ‘black’ in this one year.

Enough ‘black’ to stop my thoughts.

Enough ‘black’ that seemed to suck me in forever.

And, enough ‘black’ that seemingly melted my body and thoughts in it.

But the ‘black’ that now spread before my eyes was different from all of them.

To put it ostentatiously, the ‘black’ that was the primordial of this world, where nothing else existed yet—that might have been how it felt. But, there was a strange calmness and tranquility. A boundless ‘black’, as if I was in space, in what must have once had countless planets. It truly made me feel at ease. I didn't have to suffer anymore, and I didn't have to think about anything anymore—

「Did you have fun?」

Suddenly, I heard a low voice from somewhere. I didn’t know who it was, but it wasn’t fun at all, I answered.

「Isn’t hiding behind people, and tricking them so much fun?」

I was asked that once again, and I answered that it was just you.

But the truth is—from somewhere in my heart, I ended up thinking that it might have been a bit fun. If you were to trick someone with ease, if you were to continue tricking them for the rest of my life, then that might have indeed been a bit necessary. For example, say there was someone not really blessed with singing skills, yet they can’t help but sing because they love it, and you’d tell them for the fun of it, “You’re really talented”. They would be so happy and delighted, innocently believe those words and keep on singing. People would laugh behind their back, but that person would still willingly believe it, and continue to willingly sing. 

They would willingly mistake people’s laughter as being happy at their singing. But here’s what I think. Is a song that continues to be willingly sung for the sake of others, even if it lacks talent, truly worthless? Does the pure feeling of love not reside in the song? Certainly, the first words may have been malicious. However, that which began as malice might be overturned by pure feelings, and might one day become the real thing?

「Then, let’s play a trick.」

The low voice spoke once more.

‘In this world, there are only those who dance and those who make others dance to their tune, and if one were to play the part of those who play the tune—if they were to learn the joy of playing the flute, then there would be no going back’, the voice spoke.

‘Ah, I see. That may be true’, I thought.

But, I---

I knew the joy of dancing, after all. I was always on the dancing side in the festivals in my hometown. I would empty my heart and match my movements with the people around me. The pleasure of synchronizing with others made me want to raise my voice in joy. When our eyes met, we would laugh at each other, and before I realized, I would be thankful for the friends I had. Under this vast, endless night sky, I would be thankful I had friends who laughed at the same things, and who were saddened at the same things. To trick such friends would surely pain my heart. I don’t think I would want to be on the side of those who play tricks, even if I were the one who was tricked.

‘Then I ask you’, the voice asked.

Do you think parents would happily give birth to a child, if they knew in advance that the child would be born handicapped? If they found out that the child was handicapped after birth, would the parents be able to love that child normally?

That was…

That was a difficult question.

Antitrypsin deficiency—I was born with that kind of body, and suffered from infantile asthma, and ended up causing a lot of trouble and worry to my parents and the people around me. Why was I alone born with such a body? When I was a child, I often wondered when I used to cry all by myself in the corner of the room. Knowing that pain, if I were asked whether I would give birth to a handicapped child… I think I would indeed hesitate to death.

In response, ‘Right?’, the voice said.

In times like that, to be completely tricked would be merciful. To abort the child, or to be told that it’s a lovely child even with the handicap. People do not act until there is a reward in front of them. They can’t even move their feet forward unless they have a feeling that there is something fun ahead. It’s mere hypocrisy to continue doing bitter things that will only continue to get worse, right? Or they’re narcissists who love themselves for trying.

Is that so….?

Was my mother like that as well….?

‘Obviously’, answers the voice.

「They really love themselves for trying. They are drunk on it. If that wasn’t the case, could she have taken care of your labored breathing be it mealtime or the middle of the night?」

….Is that so….? No…. That might have been the case.

‘Hey, tell me’, the voice said. ‘How many lives do you think are abandoned each year by those who are not ready to be parents? How many reported cases of parents killing their own children? A parent is nothing more than a title, a temporary designation. Everyone is just an animal that thinks first and foremost of their own happiness. Why should I have to raise a child I do not love? Why do I have to raise them even as they chip away against my time, my soul? Is it social responsibility? What you would call moral responsibility? Say, just what is society? Isn’t something like that nothing more than a system to reduce quarrels as much as possible? No matter how, and no matter how many lids you put on it, problems will always continue to happen. That is your history, problems happen by default. To accept that and to live, what is wrong with that? If that’s the case—wouldn’t it be smarter to be on the side that causes the problems?’

I…could understand that.

Human history is filled with problems, and even after all this time, the problems have only increased.

I know that there were as many definitions of parenthood as there were parents. And I know that there are broken parents in this world who have never even thought of the concept of parenthood. But—despite that, there is still one act that every parent definitely does for their child. That is: to give them a name filled with all their hopes and wishes, right? Isn’t that—why names are so precious?

Ahahahahahahahahahaha! The voice suddenly burst into laughter.

‘Don’t tell me you didn’t know. How many parents do you think are out there who give their children names that inspire neither hopes nor dreams? How many names do you think there are that have nothing but the malice of their parents? Hey, can you really turn a blind eye to that? You might say that it would be fine if you change your name once you become an adult? No, It’s useless. No matter how much you try to forget the name you’ve been christened with once, it will definitely be bound to you in some shape or form for the rest of your life. That is the curse of a name. You heard it too, didn’t you? She was cursed before she was born. A life born by the violation of her mother by brats abroad! She was never wanted, not in the least! Once born, the event they'd rather have forgotten takes a form that haunts them for the rest of their lives. There’s no way she would ever be wanted!’

I was-- at a loss of words in the end, with no rebuttal.

In this mansion….I thought I would try to learn her true name. I thought that if she were to at least reclaim her rightful name, the ‘W’ that coiled around her would be exorcised. But right now, to be honest….I was afraid. I was afraid to discover her true name.

If, by some chance, there was no feeling of hopes or dreams in it, and was instead a thing filled with malice, then what? What if her endless pain and torment continued the moment she took back her true name? There have been so many things done with good intentions that push people into distress. How could I say that I wasn’t making the same mistake right now? Moreover, Sako had said that she took the name of ‘Yoishi’ to bind the ‘everlasting night stone’, but….what if that wasn’t the case, and she instead took it because she actually detested her true name?

Thereupon…a thought suddenly came to mind.

Couldn’t she stay as ‘Yoishi Mitsurugi’ as she had up until now?

That would mean she would still have that callous, Noh-faced father as a guardian in name only, not have a place at home where she belonged, would keep going around haunted places where her eyes would glow, would throw up at times, and would complicate complicated matters even further, but—even so, that wasn’t the worst outcome, right? I would be there, and Krishna-san too, as well as everybody in ‘Ikaigabuchi’. If she at least opened her heart properly, she could lead a fun occult life. There would be no need to remind her that she was born cursed and undesired—

At that moment, I suddenly realized.

Could it be, the thing Sako spoke of, 『You will be compelled to make a choice』…

And, the thing Takako Takamura spoke of, 『You’ll be forced to make the final choice』, it was—

About this…?

If she were to regain her true name, she would arrive in this world while still having the scent of the world beyond.

If she were to remain as Yoishi Mitsurugi, she would live in the world beyond while remaining in this world.

…What…should I do?

The world continued to grow darker. The darkness continued to silently spread out.

As if the ground beneath my feet were filled by dark colored water, I eventually came to believe that there was only one answer.

「I want… to stay with her like this forever.」

「I want to be together with Yoishi Mitsurugi.」

Right, I was about to say it out loud.

When the wound on my right elbow, throbbed with pain once more.

The pain kept repeating like a drum being beaten and became a rhythm as it throbbed and throbbed.

Definite sounds that formed words. They became a rhythm, and made me remember what Karasu-san had once said.

---Yes, deep breaths.

When I came to… I saw that Karasu-san was there, with that nostalgic smile of hers.

Her lustrous black hair dangled down to her cheeks, and she was leaning close to me crouched down, as if she were peering inside me.

--Take a dee—ep breath in, then hold. Yes, slowly let it out--- Repeat that three times.

My vision blurred with tears at those cheerful words that were out of place.

And, before long, I repeated my breathing as I was told. I breathed, and exhaled. I exhaled as much as I could, and inhaled as much as I could.

『You'd better remember.』

『Your fear most likely comes from forgetting to breathe.』

『If the fear inside you intensifies, then like now, make sure you're breathing properly.』

『No matter what kind of paranormal lies ahead of you, you’ll definitely make it through somehow.』

‘But’, I spoke. Despite that, I still don’t know if I’m supposed to find Yoishi’s true name. I end up thinking that it’s better not to find it.

—Eh? I think you already have the answer to that.

I was surprised I was somehow able to carry on a conversation with Karasu-san from my memories—

However, as if clinging to that, I added a question, “What do you mean?”

--After all, the two of us… in the world we peeked at in those hellish days. Didn’t you decide that you would bring that back with you? After having gone through so much, being unable to do anything but witness the cruel destruction of a family, there was still something you desperately brought back with you, right?

Brought back……? I did? What……?

--It should be firmly engraved on you, Nagi-kun.

--It should be engraved on your soul.

Despite that, I still didn’t know, and was in dismay, when….

Exasperated, Karasu-san’s voice echoed kindly for one last time.

---Then, I’ll do it one last time.

My right elbow ached once more.

--*Throb*, *throb*, *throb*…. That throbbing continued to grow stronger.

It was as if— my adult-self was tired of searching, and my child-self pointed it out to me with a smile, and the warmth and stimulation grew.

“…Ah….ahhhhh.”

In an instant, I was struck by lightning together and a terrible sound rang inside me, with the light running through me.

Goosebumps ran through every cell in my body, an unspecialized base sequence in the genome that was called junk, awoke. As if guided by something, it synthesized in succession, and began to build that hidden meaning.

The hanging mansion that manifested in my vision.

The old and grubby living room. The dusty counter.

As I regained reality with my right eye, a different timeline of the same place was synchronized as white hazy scenery in my left eye.

Appearing hazily—as if gliding in midair, that scenery continued to flow through me.

Before I realized, I was running.

--It can’t be….it can’t be.

I ran to the front door with enough force that I almost fell down, and looked at my reflection in the full-length mirror that was there.

I rolled up my shirt, uncovered my right elbow, and—saw it through the mirror.

What I thought was an ugly scar that did not heal for a long time, was not a scar at all.

I thought it had ended up becoming a bruise, but it was not a bruise.

『Miko Hanamura』

The bruise that was inverted in the mirror—

Had been engraved on my skin, in letters.

In an instant, the scenery I had once seen somewhere with my left eye transformed into a torrent and rushed into my brain. The amount of information was so vast and extreme that it could not be processed by my brain specifications— it flowed past me from one scene to the next, with no time to recognize it. Even so, I was still able to burn several scenes in my mind. Among the endless flashes, a fatherly figure laughed as he held a baby in his arms. A motherly figure cried as she embraced a toddler. A tomboyish young girl who looked like a middle schooler laughed as she pulled the hand of a girl with black hair and fair skin. The baby, the toddler, the fair skinned young girl—I recognized all of them as 『Miko Hanamura』. Without a doubt, at every moment, 『Miko Hanamura』 was loved.

“…………….Ah.”

Before I realized, I was in the hanging mansion, but something was different.

It was not a dusty, cobwebbed ruin. It was a clean, brand new mountain retreat with the light of the sunlight shining in.

Feeling dazzled, I continued to the living room in a daze. I heard lots of laughter coming from the nearby garden. I opened the sash and stepped out to the garden—to see a family so happy they were clad in light. In front of the barbecue was a gentle looking man, a bright woman and a cheery young girl….and, Miko Hanamura who was a child. Miko had a kind, delighted smile on her face.

“—Miko.”

I called her name.

“You…were called Miko Hanamura?”

In response, the beautiful black haired young girl with fair skin looked in my direction. It felt like we met eye to eye after a long time, after a truly long time. I was so overjoyed, so relieved, that tears gradually swelled up and began to spill.

“Miko, let’s go back.”

I reached out my hand to her, and the young girl opened her eyes wide in surprise.

She slowly took one look back, looked back at me and shook her head.

“Miko, listen to me. This place—it’s not here anymore. It’s a world that doesn’t exist anymore.”

But, a young girl drew close next to Miko, and gripped her hand. For some reason, I knew that girl’s name was ‘Kii-chan’. She looked at me with a fierce expression, as if to say she wouldn’t let her precious best friend go anywhere.

Behind them, the father was smiling. The mother gently put her hand on Miko’s shoulder. The elder sister took one step ahead with her eyebrows raised as if to protect her younger sister from me. The dog at Miko’s feet growled at me.

Looking at that—

A gentle whisper escaped my lips, ‘I see.’

And, as I was tossed around mercilessly by the warm feelings that swept over, I declared.

“….I’m glad….You were really…loved after all.”

“…Yeah.”

“Miko—that’s a really nice name.”

The tears continued to spill.

“If I remember correctly... the word『Mi彌』 means the『light that shines universally』 in Buddhism.”

“…Is, that right?”

“Yeah. I know someone who knows a lot about that stuff, so there’s no doubt about it. That’s why…that’s why.”

My voice trembled with tears, but I desperately managed to squeeze it out.

“I’m sure that the person who gave you that name wished to maintain a relationship with you forever. Regardless of how you were born, they wished that connection would last for all of eternity.”

“…..Yeah.”

“…So, listen up.”

I wiped away the tears, and raised my voice as best as I could.

“You are in no way cursed. You’re not abhorred by anyone. Being cursed—is just being lost on the inside. So… let’s go back. This place is no longer here.”

“….But.”

Miko smiled once at Kii-chan, before letting go of her hand and took a step towards me, and spoke.

“I feel comfortable here; I think it’s the place I belong. Papa, mama, onee-chan, Kii-chan, Leo—and even Mr. Inspector is here.”

Hearing that, I looked towards the back, to see a somewhat nostalgic man with gray hair and a smile on his face.

Her father, mother, older sister, best friend and pet dog—everyone was smiling, and stood behind Miko as if protecting her. Then, I heard a click behind me. I turned around to see Sako in a gray, dull, worn-out suit, taking a picture with an old polaroid camera. He then took out the photo, and handed me the photograph that was exposed to the light.

The photograph must have been the original photograph placed atop the hearth in the real ‘hanging mansion’ earlier. However, the faces of the family had no longer disappeared. The faces that had been stretched and twisted in white in midair were now beautifully cropped, with the smiling faces in front of me.

“……..I see.”

I muttered once more.

It felt as if I had been listening to someone’s sneering laughter echo all this time—

I had even realized that it belonged to the ‘everlasting night stone’, but I thought there was nothing I could do.

I understood that Miko would be swallowed by the world beyond if this continued. But, there was nothing someone like me could do. To tear away Miko away from this warm world, was something—I couldn’t do.

And that's when it happened.

I noticed something emerging in the photograph.

The polaroid photograph still hadn’t been fully sensitized. Her father, mother, elder sister and Miko were smiling kindly, and the dog at their feet looked happy as well.

But—there was something else there. On Miko’s left end, a white haze emerged, which should not have been in the picture. As if to embrace a young Miko, that white haze gradually continued exposing---and eventually, took on an impossible form.

….Ahh.

At that moment, I realized the true reason why I came here.

I realized the meaning of the vast swirl of information that came surging into my head.

I realized why Sako had called me to this mansion—and why he handed me this photograph just now.

In the picture that transcended generations—

Nagito Yamada stood there, as if protecting Miko Hanamura.

The figure that decided to stand by her side no matter what cruel reality he had to face, was as if looking in the mirror at a different me. For the first time, I felt pride at myself—it made me feel a sublime will. The answer to the question posed to me earlier in the darkness welled up in my chest as I saw my own face. An answer to the voice that said, ‘It’s mere hypocrisy to continue doing bitter things that will only continue to get worse, right?’ I lost sight of myself since I was asked that question, but--

No, there is one more impetus that drives people forward.

There was something else in this world that wasn’t just greed, reward, or narcissism.

“—I got it, Miko.”

The meaning of the scenery that swirled round and round my head, continued to dissolve. The me of eleven years ago and the me of the present dissolved and merged. I was thankful for that fate and spoke the answer that I extracted from my soul, without any doubts.

“Then, I’ll stay here as well.”

Miko looked at me again with a start.

“I will never leave you to die again. I won’t stand by and let you go through something like that again.”

“………”

“Why, you ask? Because you were the first person to call me a friend. Even when I was adrift in the sea of endless despair with nowhere to go, you gave me a place to stay.”

“………A.”

“Although my email got garbled midway through.”

“………A…aaaa…..”

“I told you, didn’t I? That I would definitely protect you.”

“Yes, I was Mr. Frog back then.”

The moment I declared those words.

The sky roared, and split apart.

Somewhere, it felt as if I heard an ear-splitting scream.

At the same time, a series of low rumbling sounds reverberated deep beneath my feet, and eventually turned into subterranean rumbling that overlapped with the beating of my heart. My teeth were rattling so hard I couldn’t breathe. And I understood that I had broken a rule established by a great, great being in a far higher dimension. This might be the end for me as well—but I was prepared for that.

Why was it….? Ah, dammit, I had tried to show off and ended up saying that, but as usual my teeth were clattering, and my legs were trembling on the verge of collapse.

After all this time, I realized that I was the guy with the stinky pants who had pissed himself earlier. And, the place I stood was the ruins of a mountain retreat that was now called the hanging mansion—I was in front of the hearth, and I found that the one in front of me was the Yoishi Mitsurugi of the present---no, I knew she was Miko Hanamura.

The high school girl with porcelain-white skin, long black hair swaying in the air, and dressed in the funeral-like uniform of the Koumei Institute, was merely trembling.

In her vacant eyes, countless paranormal events were now swirling around. The hundreds, the thousands of paranormal events she had experienced in the past --- no, if you were to include the ones she had read on the internet or in books then it would be in the tens of thousands. Therein, was the horror she should have truly felt. Those emotions she had become numb to, which had been stored somewhere in her brain, were all surging into Miko’s small forehead all at once.

“…This…is the feeling of fear…..”

The irises of her eyes shook, welled up, and a trickle of tears spilled down.

“It’s disturbing… not knowing…. not being able to explain….it’s just…

just….disturbing….”

I nodded.

“….I’m alive….I…am alive….”

Miko covered her face with both hands. At that moment, something she must have held back for a long, long, eternity, finally broke free.

Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, all her emotions broke free, and she cried out. Her voice was like that of a newborn, defenseless baby. I held her slender body close to me, as if to protect the pure soul that had just been born into this cruel world. I hugged her tightly, as if to show that to the pure malice that I could not see, which might have still been nearby.

“….I’m alive….I am… alive….”

“….Yes. You are truly alive. And you should keep on living step by step. Live as long as you can for the ones who have gone before you—”

And after that you can die in peace—I was about to say that.

“……..I’m scared.”

Miko whispered in my chest.

“I’m scared to go on living…the countless paranormal things are scary as well…the voice in the wall, the smiling dolls, shadows in the reflection, the person with only legs, the man in the gutter, the will -o’-the-wisp, the box in the storehouse, people disappearing in the sky—in this---in such a scary world….how did you live this far….how should I live…?”

“Hahaha.”

I couldn't help but laugh. I felt like I could finally talk with her about the real paranormal things. It felt like I could teach her that while some ghost stories circulating this world were really dangerous, they were also full of romance and mysterious charm.

When—at that moment.

I thought the ground still felt like it was shaking because I was a coward, or because I was embracing a high school girl, but…. I realized that it was neither of those things.

“H….heyy, Yoi….no, Miko!”

I yelled seeing the creaking wall swell up and down.

“It’s an earthquake! Shit, it’s a big one.”

The building slowly swayed from side to side, and eventually began to rattle and shake little by little.

“Run away, Miko! This run-down building is dangerous. I’ll get Krishna-san.”

After saying that, I pushed Miko, whose face was still soggy in tears, toward the direction of the front door, and then staggered and swayed as I ran down the corridor. At the back of the corridor, the storage room floor was covered entirely with Sako’s blood. I bowed my head once to Sako who had already passed away, “I’m sorry”, and lifted Krishna-san’s body, who lay collapsed and unconscious, and carried her on my shoulder. I then furiously rushed toward the front door. The shaking quickly grew even more violent, and I staggered and hit the wall, but still clenched my teeth as I broke through the front door and jumped outside. I slowly laid Krishna-san a little further away from the building, and gasped.

There was no one in my surroundings.

Miko, who should have left the building before me, was nowhere to be seen.

“Hey…Miko!”

I called out at the top of my voice, but there was no reply.

The shaking grew even more ferocious, and I understood that the building would completely flatten. I clicked my tongue once, left Krishna-san there and jumped back inside the building. “Miko!” As I yelled, I looked around and saw that she was in a daze in the living room.

“Hey, what are you doing! Get out of here!”

The moment I ran up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders, I realized that Miko was staring at that photograph in front of the hearth.

“The first picture… the two of us took together.”

“Well, that’s true but.”

“But…you were a ghost.”

“Shut it, let’s go, if you wanna take that photo then hurry up and do it!”

I called out to Miko who had been standing motionless in front of the photograph for who knows how long, when it happened.

A terrible *creeeeeak* rang out, and the building bent. It felt as if a giant hand grasped the building from the outside, and at the same time— a sound like a low male voice reverberated throughout the building.

It was as if it were a sneering voice—as if it were a wailing voice.

Together with that detestable sound, the beams of the ceiling twisted to an absurd degree. Dust was rising and falling down like rain. There were five of them— they felt like giant fingers of something. From the depths of darkness—a malice-stained, corrupted hand reached out from the depths of this world called hell.

Give her back.

It reached straight for Miko—

“Don’t fucking mess with me.”

I howled.

“I will never let go again. She is a fragment of my soul. And, my--”

I yelled a scream that would not lose to the thunderous roar of the collapsing beams.

“My precious wife!”

In an instant—

My vision muddled white, and a sharp stinging pain ran down my shoulders. It was as if, I knew the building would collapse all at once, like in the Fafrotskies phenomenon. I instantly covered Miko’s body to protect her from the falling debris of the building. One after another, building material fell on my back, biting into my skin, and crushing my bones. In the midst of the sound that split my ears— it seemed to me as if I had been caught in the hand of the ‘everlasting night stone’.

“L-let go.”

The world continued to darken.

The faint hope was fading away.

The moment I screamed in the midst of overwhelming despair that filled my heart.

“Ayana Takamura.”

Under my arms, Miko Hanamura roared her last lines as “Yoishi Mitsurugi”.

“You’re there, aren’t you?”

At that moment, somewhere far above in the sky, something opened its eyes.

“I’ll give you the best thing you wished for.”

“’Yoishi’ called out to those eyes.

“So-- don’t ever come close to this person, ever again.”

《OK》

That must have been the last illusion I saw in my fading consciousness.

Ayana Takamura’s giant head that appeared from the void—

--*Crunch*, it ate something.

And in the world that had grown dark once more, those clear, boyish words echoed through the air.

“The fear held by the root of fear or something ---it was truly a delicious meal.”