Case 15: The Disturbing Mansion [Part Two] (3)

Do they spit fire? Do they devour humans? Do they possess supernatural powers which ordinary humans can’t fight against? Well, those kinds of definitions vary from person to person, but there’s one thing that can be said with certainty. Once you encounter them, you can't escape their influence for the rest of your life —that exactly is what I believe monsters are.

With that meaning in mind, what I encountered could be called a monster.

It happened on a day when the sun was still high in the sky, and yet the moon’s pale light also loomed. Thinking back on it now, bad things have usually happened on days like that. Well although, I can only speak of my own life. On that day, I quickly left after my high school classes had ended, just like any other day. I was never the type of person to get along with my classmates, nor was I the type to rejoice in the springtime of youth by engaging in sweaty club activities. 

High school life to me was really nothing more than just a means to kill time. In other words, I was a gloomy high school student, the type that would go to a coffee shop after leaving school in violation of school regulations, and would set up camp at a seat in the back to read Chekhov, Ango and so on. I’ll explain later, but I had circumstances which made me not want to return home right away. What you might find laughable is that I had been given an unconditional command to return home as late as possible.

So, that day as well, I headed to the cafe named ‘Windmill’ with a book in my hand which I had almost finished reading -- but on that day alone, there was a noisy customer who had taken up camp at the seat at the back where I always sat. I, on the other hand, was the type who was unable to concentrate on books unless my surroundings were quiet. So, having no choice, I headed to the park.

Ahh, that’s right—my house at the time was not in Aomori where I currently reside. I was originally born in Kobe, moved to Kyoto afterward, and was living in Fukuoka at the time. The reason why was because my father was involved in the trading business, but it wasn’t a good thing for a child to move around so often in their childhood. Even now, I believe that was the reason I became shy and had problems making friends--- but I digress. Anyway, I lived in the east of Fukuoka. Well, you might know of it being an occult lover and all, but it was famous for the Jizo statue where the Kappas are sealed.*

*TL/N: Kappa are water-dwelling yokai from Japanese folklore, often associated with rivers and ponds. “Kappa Jizō” refers to statues tied to those legends.

There was a vast, lush green place known as the T-park.

I headed there, but it wasn’t even 4 PM yet. There were a lot of mothers with their children. No matter how many times I looked around, I couldn’t find an empty bench anywhere. I walked all the way to the back of the park and found an empty bench at last, where I sat down, but I had lost all motivation to read, probably because it had taken me so long to get there. For a while, I merely sat there in a daze.

Before I knew it, I was biting my nails.

Well, I guess you could call it a psychological state you often see in high schoolers in puberty. I was strangely irritated. Perhaps it was because the plans I had made for the day didn’t go well, or perhaps it was the peaceful, warm scenery which made it appear as if time had stopped— I continued to sit on the old bench, and continued to chew my nails without changing places.

It was at that moment.

A toddler shakily walked toward me.

A boy—probably, I think it was a boy. I don’t remember exactly. An innocent-looking toddler approached me with some kind of toy in hand. He was a friendly child. He already trusted completely in someone like me. I, who was a stranger from who knows where, a high schooler with dark eyes and with a book like ‘Discourse on decadence’ in hand. He had a friendly grin on his face as he offered me the toy. I ignored that and merely looked around in dismay. I wondered where the mother went, taking her eyes off a child this young. However, there was no sign of a mother-like figure close by.

That child sidled up to me alone. He held out his precious favorite toy to me, with a “Yes”. For a moment, I wondered if I was even pitied by such a young child, but that wasn’t the case. In all likelihood, the child was living a life filled with love. That must be why he didn’t even think of the possibility that some humans can be evil.

When I realized that, something like a thin mist rose somewhere in my heart.

--What would happen if a dark malice were unleashed upon this pure being?

I was surprised at myself for thinking something like that. I didn't think I was capable of such sadistic thoughts. And, it was an irresistibly bewitching idea. There was a defenseless creature in front of me; There was no one around. It was just me, him and the toy. For the time being, I picked up the toy the boy had placed at my feet and put it in my pocket. Eventually, that child came to pick up the toy that he had placed at my feet and stopped moving. He started looking around, behind my legs, as if searching for the toy, then looked up at me. I merely grinned at him. The child continued to search for the toy after that, but I couldn’t help but feel an irresistible rush of pleasure rising up my spine. I was getting an almost nauseating pleasure from the anxiety that was enveloping his tiny back.

What kind of face would he make if I were to pluck the toy’s head and throw it away? The plastic doll of some transforming hero. Would he start crying? What would happen if this pure creature were to be showered with malice?

As he had his back turned to me, I secretly took out the toy. I dangled it towards his back. He was anxiously digging up the sandpits close by. As if he thought he might have buried it somewhere. I put my hand on the doll’s neck. I put a little power and tried to twist its neck, when—

I finally noticed that gaze.

With a start, I looked diagonally to my right, to see a woman with a kind expression.

Sweat slowly formed on my hands, and I removed my hand from the doll’s neck.

--What was it? How long had she been there? Did this woman see everything I had done?

My heart was pounding violently, as if it was about to burst from my mouth.

Eventually, I called out “Boy”, in a shaky voice and handed the toy back to him. The boy’s face immediately lit up, and he took the toy in hand. And at the same time, he spotted his mother, and happily ran towards her. The mother slightly bowed to me and left, holding hands with the child.

--There was no way a mother would take her eyes off her young child.

I chided myself for my foolishness after all that time, but it was already too late.

It felt as if the daytime moon was smirking down at me, and I quickly left that park.

I was embarrassed that the mother had seen through me. It was most fortunate that I managed to notice her at the last moment and hadn’t plucked the doll's head off. Even though it was a provincial city, there was more regional unity there than in a place like Tokyo. I was patting myself on the chest, thinking that if I had done that, I might not be able to live in this city anymore.

However, as I left the park, I realized my heart continued to throb violently.

Yes— I was still excited.

I was excited at the thought of trampling that which was pure.

It was as if I had become something other than myself—no, as if the real me that kept itself hidden in my heart somewhere had revealed itself. It was also a sense of freedom at being my true self. The irritating feeling I had just thirty minutes ago was no longer there.

I wonder if that was the reason why.

Even though it was not yet time to go back home—I ended up getting ready to return home.

Now then, why didn’t I return home straight away after school?

It’s about time I explained that. What? It’s not something big. In short, it was because my mother's lover was at home. He was ostensibly the man my mother was learning to paint from. I told you my father was involved in the trading business, so he was often away from home. Sometimes he didn’t come home for weeks. And when he did come home, he would do so late at night. When my father was home, my mother was very diligent and devoted to him. She bathed him, cooked for him, and listened to his stories with a round of laughter. To an outsider, she must have looked like the ideal, wise housewife. And that's what I always thought too.

However, it was around the time I entered middle school. My mother said that she wanted to learn how to draw. My father agreed. My mother had a small interest in oil painting in her student days, and my father might have felt guilty for being away from home so often. And so, the one who eventually came was that man. I was able to hate him with just one glance. He must have been five or so years younger than my mother, but —ah, I just can't remember his face no matter what. I don't know why, but he always looked like he was wearing a fox's face. Not literally a fox’s face, but truly a fox mask. It didn't look like that to the people around me including my mother, probably because my strong rejection against that man made me feel that way. 

The fox masked man was polite, eloquent and graceful in his speech, and he often gave me gifts. But to me, it looked like a red tongue peeking out of a mouth with the corners of his mouth slit from ear to ear. My mother and the man were silently painting in her room. And before long I was told, “Play outside on the day sensei comes”, And I was made to realize that I was not allowed to stay at home.

That must have been like ink that dropped on the surface of water that was my family.

When that man started coming in and out of my house, my family was stained with an indelible stain. My father not being home became the norm, and I too had come to think that I shouldn’t stay at home—and above all, the man started visiting my house not just once a week, but with one thing or another, he started visiting every day.

Every day.

In the afternoon.

A man who was not a member of our family would definitely be there.

I thought my family had been taken over by something suspicious.

My father died soon afterward.

He returned to Japan after going to Guangzhou for work and was on his way home when we lost contact with him, and he was found at Matsuyama harbor, Shikoku. It seems he was found floating in the sea by a couple on a date. Why did he go to Matsuyama from Fukuoka? Was it an accident, a suicide, or did he get involved in some trouble? We had no idea. The police visited my mother almost every day, but it appeared they eventually stopped investigating it as a murder case. That was because the body of another woman was found on the harbor. That woman was an office worker in my father's company. It seemed she had been going out with my father. The police tried to conclude the case by saying it was a double suicide spurred on by a lovers talk.

However, I can say it with almost complete certainty.

That my father was murdered.

And the culprit was that fox masked man.

After that, for the next three years of high school—a strange situation developed in which I, lived together with my mother and that fox masked man.

I stopped coming home.

I only returned home to sleep and spent the rest of the day killing time outside.

However, on that day—

On the day I felt delight in aiming malice towards a child.

I decided to return home after a long time while the sun was still high up in the sky.

I unlocked the door, entered inside, declared that I was home, and entered the tatami room.

The scene I saw there would perhaps never be erased from my memory for as long as I live.

On the tatami mats was my mother, naked and bound. The rope painfully bit into her flesh, but my mother sobbed with joy. Next to her was the fox masked man. He merely sat there quietly on his knees, staring motionlessly at my mother.

The man slowly turned towards me, who stood dumbfounded at the entrance of the tatami room.

The white, fox masked man with the corners of his mouth slit from ear to ear, sneered to me.

How long—

Just how long did I stand there, motionless?

How much time did it take for me to realize what was happening in the tatami room?

Before I realized, I was sneering as well.

And, I realized at last.

The man was ‘malice’. He was the ‘malice’ inside me.

I don’t recall the specifics of what happened after that.

All I remember is that I staggered out of the house, and continued around wandering the city—and when I came to, I was in Hakata station.

There, I bought a train ticket to the furthest place possible.

When I reached Aomori station, what I saw on the news was that my house had burned down completely, and that the corpse of a naked woman had been discovered inside. I didn’t even think about had happened. I had become numb to all emotions. I didn't know why I was in Aomori. Nor did I know what I should do from here. I was overwhelmed by the scenery of Tohoku that I was seeing for the first time, and collapsed in front of the station.

When I came to, I found myself riding in the car of a strange gray-haired man. The old man merely called himself the ‘Chief priest’. I had run out of money and had not eaten anything, so he said to me.

『You’re possessed by a terrible ghost.』

『It’s a very powerful ghost, and you might not be able to do anything about it yourself.』

『You may run out of strength midway through and die, but if left alone, you’ll die anyway.』

『I’m sure your stomach must be empty, but it would be better if you didn’t eat anything. Let’s begin right away.』

After that, I was taken to a shrine somewhere deep in the mountains, and made to change into a white kimono. I don’t know how much time passed after that. I was abandoned in a room that was like a dungeon, and was subjected to ritual prayer every day. There was nothing left for me to vomit, yet the intense feeling of wanting to throw up welled up inside me over and over again. Ahh-- Thinking back on it now, I had never been in so much pain. I would fall backwards and repeatedly slam my body against the hard floor. Having not even been given enough food for excrement, I realized at the depths of what little consciousness that remained that I was going to die. I felt the end of my life was right at hand. At that moment, I felt something leave my thin, frayed consciousness. It cried out loud in a high, frustrated whine, and disappeared as if it melted away.

『It’s over.』

At last, I heard the old man's voice near me.

I saw a light beyond my hazy vision.

Tears spilled from my eyes seeing the beauty of the grass and trees illuminated by the sun.

『You’re saved. However, you won't be able to lead a normal life from now on.』

The old man spoke as I greedily devoured the rice gruel I was eating after several days.

『If you don't retighten your body that an oversized ghost passed through every day, you'll quickly end up becoming an abode for countless ghosts.』

The old man didn't have to tell me that, I knew that it was just a short distance away.

I knew that it would quietly continue to stare at me from somewhere—until I died.

『Abandon everything, and spend the rest of your life here.』

That place was called ‘Okitachi Inari Shrine’—

I would later find out that it was a shrine that guarded one of the veins of this island country, that defended against the northern demon gate.*

After that, I became a disciple of that old man, and began to study Shintoism. It was a little different, however, and in no way what you would generally define as ‘modern Shintoism’, it was a severe unrelenting study. Well, that's a long story, so I’ll spare you the details, but I was forced to abandon my name, my family name, my past, and completed my training to completely become ‘nothing’ all at once. I had to rearrange and fix the air ducts in my spine, and recompose all of my cells properly. I assimilated all of my thoughts with nature, and abandoned myself. I repeated that every day, every hour, every minute. I continued to adjust it as I ate, as I slept. I might have told you once before, but—if you’re not a great masochist, then it would have been a maddening day-to-day existence.

My master must not have thought I would be able to bear it all. Somewhere along the way, he probably concluded that I would run off some day and self-destruct by becoming a nest for the ghosts that would penetrate me through my turbulent air ducts. However, I somehow managed to hold my ground. I endured it all.

Say, you.

Why… do you think that was?

A few years after that, I asked my master.

About why ‘that’ had happened.

By ‘that’, I had meant ‘that thing’ which had destroyed me and my family, and I tried asking about it indifferently.

『No one really knows.』

My master answered.

『It was called ‘Nine tails’ in Nara period literature, and in the Edo period, it was referred to as the ‘everlasting night stone’—however, in all likelihood, it must have been present inside humans of every era. Yes, it is something that continues to move from person to person.』

『Is that so?』

I kept an expression as if I wasn't interested anymore, but I engraved that name deep at the back of my mind.

With a soft smile, I grit my teeth so hard they might have bled, and recalled my mother’s face from that day.

It possesses people.

It amplifies people’s negative emotions and manipulates them from the inside without them even knowing.

It makes people believe that people don’t deserve to exist, it makes them destroy their surroundings, and themselves.

The first one in my family who it possessed was me.

My once warm family, had before I realized, turned into a reflection of what I considered to be the worst possible family.

As it made me believe that I was killing time outside, it toyed with my mother as it pleased on a daily basis.

It casually made my father realize this abnormal relationship, destroyed his heart, and drove him to his death.

--Unforgivable, unforgivable.

I could not forgive the wandering ghost known as the ‘everlasting night stone’, but above all, I could not forgive myself.

However, my own punishment would be held off until the very end.

Before that, I had to annihilate it. For that reason, I—

Would be as brave as Amitabha Tathagata, who stayed at the left of Amitabha Tathagata.

Would be as wise as Gabrielle, who stayed at the left of God’s throne.

And—I would transform into the sword that cut down demons, like Futsunushi*, who stayed at the left of Okuninushi*.

That’s right, I decided to become a demon that would devour demons.

That was why I erased all emotions, and was able to endure everything.

With the deity Futsunushi, enshrined at Okitachi Inari Shrine as my guardian deity, I received the surname of my master.

And that is how from that day forth… Nagito Yamada-kun, I took the name of Sako Takita.*